Once you start leading a team, you’re playing a different game.
Your impact is no longer just a function of your own ideas and contributions. It now relies on how well your team performs.
This can be a huge opportunity to scale your impact, but it can also lead to frustration and failure. Your ability to deliver swift and effective feedback might be the difference between those two outcomes.
I started managing people 13 years ago. I was in my 20s and not at all prepared for the experience. I constantly felt torn between managing my team and doing my own work (a common issue for first-time managers). Ultimately, when I moved into consulting and returned to being an IC, it was a relief.
It was a few years before I felt ready to lead again, and when I did, I tried to be very intentional about how to deliver impact through my team—by enabling them to do their best work and to continually level up.
So consider the ideas in this post and the accompanying video to be hard-won lessons. I’m not a leadership guru, but I have seen what works.
Why feedback is hard
Constructive feedback is inherently a form of criticism, and that can feel uncomfortable. You don’t know how the other person will react—will they get mad? Will they quit? Is it even worth the risk?
Given poorly, feedback can leave someone feeling resentful or demotivated. Given inconsistently, it may not be effective. Many managers simply avoid giving it until there’s a significant problem.
But not giving feedback is its own kind of failure.
It’s a lot like exercise: at first, it feels unnatural. Natural inertia and laziness fight against you. But the only way forward is to push through, do it consistently, and make it part of your routine. Eventually, it stops feeling painful and starts feeling necessary.
Great feedback isn’t about how you handle occasional performance reviews or tough conversations. It’s about creating a culture where small, frequent, and constructive course corrections drive continuous improvement. The goal is to get 1% better every day.
The importance of trust
The most important part of giving feedback isn’t in the delivery. It’s the foundation you’ve built with the person receiving it.
Your ability to give impactful feedback is directly tied to the trust you’ve established.
People need to believe, on a fundamental level, that you’re on their side, rooting for them to succeed. This creates a willingness to listen, to internalize feedback, and to act on it. Without that trust, even the most well-intentioned feedback can feel like an attack. You may get lip service, but not a real paradigm shift.
Trust is built in the small moments: how you interact with your team daily, how you recognize their wins, and how you define your relationship with them from the outset.
Be a coach, not a manager
Where I work, they use the term “coach” rather than “manager” or “leader.” I like this term because it suggests a healthy dynamic for giving feedback.
If we think about the player-coach relationship, the coach has one job: help the player succeed. If the player succeeds, the coach wins and the team wins.
But a coach doesn’t wait until the end of the season to give feedback. They give it constantly, in real time, in small doses. They support, but they also push and hold players accountable.
Framing feedback as coaching removes tension and normalizes it. It’s not about pointing out mistakes—it’s about enabling continuous improvement.
I try to define this relationship starting from the interview process itself. This immediately sets expectations for what the coaching experience will be like and validates that the person is able to receive feedback.
Give feedback fast and often
One of the biggest mistakes leaders make is waiting too long to give feedback. If you’re only doing it during performance reviews (or when there’s a huge problem), you’re setting people up for failure.
Feedback should be:
Fast: Ideally, the same day you notice something worth commenting on.
Frequent: At minimum, every week.
Small: Delivered in bite-sized pieces rather than overwhelming, high-stakes conversations.
Why does this work?
It’s easier to give and receive
A single critical comment in isolation can feel like an attack. But a steady rhythm of feedback, both positive and constructive, makes it a normal part of how you work together.
Small nudges keep people on track
Imagine a large cruise liner drifting off course. At first, the deviation is small. But over time, it compounds, and suddenly, the ship is miles off track. Correcting that is now a BIG problem.
Now imagine someone making tiny course corrections along the way. Those nudges are nearly imperceptible and effortless, but the ship stays on course without any fuss.
This is the power of giving feedback fast and often.
Consider the example of how marketing leader Thao Ngo gives feedback. In this clip (from Episode #29) she describes how to give quick corrections in the flow of work. It’s no coincidence Thao’s LinkedIn profile is flush with recommendations from people who have been on her team.
You don’t blindside people
At my first “real” job, I learned what bad feedback feels like.
I was young and eager and excited to be working in an office. For three months, I received nothing but positive reinforcement. Then, at my 90-day probationary review, I was blindsided with negative feedback.
Beyond the feedback itself, I felt betrayed. Why hadn’t my manager mentioned this sooner?
Since then, I’ve adopted a no surprises policy. If something’s an issue, I raise it immediately, before it festers.
Any feedback in performance reviews should just reiterate topics already discussed on a regular basis.
The One-on-One Doc: A Simple System for Better Feedback
One of the most practical ways I’ve seen to implement this is through a shared one-on-one doc.
It’s a simple setup: each week has a heading, and we list discussion topics. Any feedback (positive or constructive) gets documented, even if we already talked about it.
Why? Because writing it down:
Ensures clarity: Sometimes people don’t fully hear or understand verbal feedback. Writing it down gives them a second chance to process it.
Creates a record: At performance review time, you don’t have to rely on memory; you can search the doc for everything discussed.
Demonstrates consistency: If there’s ever a performance management issue, you have clear proof that feedback has been given regularly, not just when things escalate.
Celebrate Wins
A big part of showing people you’re invested in their success is enthusiastically celebrating their wins, with no strings attached.
I say “no strings attached” because because too often, praise is a setup for criticism. The classic feedback “sandwich” (positive, negative, positive) makes people feel that praise is only used to soften a blow, which seems disingenuous.
However, when you call out positive things frequently and for their own sake, people feel encouraged and recognized.
From a practical perspective, it’s also a great way of encouraging the person to repeat that positive behavior. If you want more of something, celebrate it.
The Bottom Line
At the end of the day, feedback isn’t just about correcting issues—it’s about creating an environment where people can do their best work.
Done right, it builds trust, drives continuous improvement, and keeps small things from turning into big problems.
It doesn’t require complicated frameworks or difficult conversations. Just a commitment to small, frequent, and thoughtful feedback and a real care for your team’s success.
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